*** Time for this post? Reading…3 minutes. Mind shifting…in an instant, if you decide it will.
We’re at the time of year when people are making New Year’s resolutions—or thinking they should be. I’ve never found New Year’s resolutions to be effective. Here’s why.
But the energy of the new year does seem to propel us toward change. It stirs up all the things on the mental to-do lists lurking in the back of our minds—the big and impossible-seeming jobs like losing 40 pounds, getting our personal papers in order, purging our house of all the excess.
Our brain spits out this list of onerous scenarios for what we “should do” and leaves us feeling discouraged or, worse yet, inept when we inevitably cannot muster the energy to make them happen.
Downsizing is not a constructive concept…
As we get older and anticipate departing from this world, our lifetime of accumulated objects can feel onerous, a burden, too much to manage and maintain.
“Downsizing” is a popular term among elders these days. I think, though, that it is not a helpful concept. Downsizing puts the emphasis on quantity, on getting rid of things. It causes us to feel guilty or inept for having acquired these items in the first place and then stored them for all these years.
Downsizing is not a constructive concept. It paralyzes rather than motivates us. We need a mind shift...
What if, instead of focusing on what we will get rid of, we look for the treasures in what we have. The point is to keep the treasures and move the rest along in appropriate ways.
Accept that we all have kept some junk—something that has outlived its usefulness to anyone. If you don’t want to use a chipped teapot or a saucepan that doesn’t sit flat on the burner, why would anyone else? Yet there it is, lurking in your storage room, haunting you every time you open the door.
If you can’t think of a use for it…
Forgive yourself for harbouring it all these years, say goodbye respectfully, and let it go.
Another time we’ll talk about approaches and logistics for lightening your load of excess things. For now, I encourage you to repeat this mantra daily if you’re intimidated by a “big sort” awaiting you…
*** Time for this post? Reading…3 minutes. Listening…5 minutes. Reflecting…as much as you want.
Being at the leading edge of the baby boom, I’ve arrived at the age where I’m considered old. I know this because cashiers now ask—without hesitation—if I qualify for the seniors’ discount!
So I’ve been thinking about aging, and paying attention to how it’s showing up in my daily life. I’ve noticed that I do less in a day. I’m not as strong as I was. But mostly, I care about different things than I used to.
Yet some things don’t change…
Allegedly, the music we hear around the age of sixteen sticks with us. I heard this a few years ago but haven’t been able to find the study that demonstrated it. However, I’m prepared to believe the theory because it’s true for me. Each year when I listen to my “only-CD-I’ll-ever-want-to-listen-to-at-Christmas,” there are certain songs I put on repeat. They were popular in the early 1960s, when I was in my mid-teens.
Burl Ives sang “Holly Jolly Christmas” for many years. In this rendition, he’s clearly at a different stage of life than when he first sang it in the 1964 Christmas special, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Burl Ives officially retired from show business on his 80th birthday in 1989, although he continued to do frequent benefit performances at his own request until he died in 1995.
So now I’m curious…
What songs from an earlier stage of life have stuck with you? Let’s give each other some interesting things to remember as another year winds down.
**Time for this post? Reading…10 minutes. Thinking time…none to lots.
There are only a few ways for your survivors to deal with your body when you’ve left it. A body can be kept intact and buried. It can be disintegrated—by fire or by alkaline water (the latter permitted in only some jurisdictions at this time). And…
There is a third way—donation to medical education.
I had never thought of doing this until last summer when I began researching conscious dying. Two things I learned from widely different sources came together and, suddenly, body donation seemed like a possibility.
In her TEDx talk, Rochelle Martin gave us four action steps. The last one was to choose in death what we value in life. That hovered in the back of my mind…
Then I was reading about body donation and learned that it’s a widely held myth that donated bodies are used for research and therefore must somehow be medically unique. Truth is, cadavers are used primarily for education—a practical way that medical students can learn how the body works and practice surgical techniques before being faced with a real live patient.
This knowledge, coupled with the fact that I’ve always valued practical education, got me looking further to see what’s involved in body donation and if I would qualify.
Exploring the possibility…
I figured my best bet for finding information was at a local university with a medical school. The University of Calgary website does indeed have all the information I needed to assess whether body donation is for me.
Then, for purposes of more general research on the topic, I searched five other Canadian universities to get a sense of the similarities and differences in body donation programs across the country.
What I learned…
“Body Donation Program” is the usual term, but both the University of Alberta and Newfoundland’s Memorial University refer to theirs as the Anatomical Gifts Program, and the University of Western Ontario calls it a Body Bequeathal Program,
They all deal with bodies from a limited geographic area because of the urgency for transferring bodies quickly, usually within 48 to 72 hours. Bodies for donation must not be embalmed.
Programs typically cover the cost of body transportation to their facility if it is within their prescribed area, and they deal with the body when it has served its purpose. At the University of Western Ontario,
Body bequeathal is the donation of one’s whole body after death. …the entire body is used for study and once the learning is complete, the cremated remains are returned to the family or interred by Western University in London, Ontario.
Respect and appreciation for the gift…
They all emphasize respect and value for bodies that are donated. This statement from the University of Alberta Anatomical Gifts Program is typical:
Anatomical gifts are used for teaching courses in human anatomy to medical, dental and allied health professional students. The course helps to familiarize students with anatomical relationships in the body that are essential for understanding the progression and treatment of human diseases.
Anatomical donations are regarded by the medical community as precious gifts to medical education. Donors and their families can be assured their contribution is greatly appreciated by both students and faculty. All anatomical donations are treated with utmost respect.
And the donor’s identity is not revealed, as the program brochure from McGill University explains:
Body donation is an anonymous gesture. Personal identification of the body is used by and accessible to only the Director and Administrator of the Body Donor Program. Researchers, technicians, and students working with the bodies do not have access to identification information.
Our program strongly supports all individuals who chose to donate their organs, and we encourage all those interested to register for both programs. At the time of death the acceptance decision will be made by each program based on eligibility criteria. The removal of internal organs and tissues (excluding cornea & sclera from the eyes) makes your body unsuitable for our educational needs.
Even if they have accepted a signed statement of intent to donate, all programs reserve the right to make a final determination about the suitability of a body depending on its condition at time of death. The following list of exclusions from the University of British Columbia is similar to most. They will not take a body with:
– Infectious diseases (e.g. HIV/AIDS, Hepatitis B or C)
– Severe antibiotic resistant infections (e.g. MRSA, VRE)
– Extensive bodily trauma/open wounds/recent surgery
– Suicide or traumatic death
– Autopsy or Coroner’s case
– Delay in notification of death
– Most organ donations (except corneal transplant)
– Other conditions at the discretion of the body program
Spoiler alert: This means you must have a Plan B for body disposition.
Exploring body donation for yourself…
As you can see, general principles are the same but details will differ between institutions. If you’re considering body donation, here are some guidelines for checking it out.
Do a web search for the closest university that has a medical school, Insert your university name in the blank: _________________ body donation.
Read through their information pages. Pay particular attention to eligibility requirements such as minimum age and body size.
If you meet these criteria, look for details about their application process—application form, consent form, family notification form, etc.
If you decide to go ahead, discuss your intention with your family. Some universities will not take the donation if your family contests it, even if you had filled out the form.
Complete the appropriate forms and submit them as directed. Remember that you can rescind this bequest at any time.
Investigate alternative body disposal arrangements in case the condition of your body at death makes it unsuitable for donation. In that case, your family is responsible for body disposition.
Put all your actions and decisions in writing and give them to your next of kin and the executor of your will. Several of the universities recommend that you also advise your family doctor that to you have made arrangements for body donation.
Disposition of our body is a personal decision for each of us. We all have deep-seated reasons why one method or another is unappealing or downright repulsive. There is no right and wrong here. The point is that we need to be aware of the options so we can choose what suits us best given what’s available where we live. It’s an important step toward dying in peace.
**Time for this post? Reading…8 minutes. Viewing…2 minutes. Unearthing your treasures…up to you.
In 1994, Stephen Covey co-authored First Things First: To Live, to Love, to Learn, to Leave a Legacy. There are many concepts in that book that informed my thinking, but it was the subtitle that really stuck with me. Here’s how he explained it:
There are certain things that are fundamental to human fulfillment. The essence of these needs is captured in the phrase “to live, to love, to learn, to leave a legacy.”
The need to live is our physical need for such things as food, clothing, shelter, economic well-being, health.
The need to love is our social need to relate to other people, to belong, to love and to be loved.
The need to learn is our mental need to develop and to grow.
And the need to leave a legacy is our spiritual need to have a sense of meaning, purpose, personal congruence, and contribution.
For an expanded description, go here. Or you might enjoy this two-minute visual experience.
To leave a legacy…
I was about forty-eight when I read First Things First. I didn’t really understand the legacy part. Now, twenty-four years later, I get it. I’ve reached the stage of life when leaving a legacy becomes the focus. When the horizon seems near, we think about leaving a mark, about being remembered when we are gone. Often we think of a person’s legacy as a large body of work that keeps them in our awareness long after their death. Think of Wayne Dyer, Elvis Presley, Jane Austen. But being remembered is not reserved just for famous people. We all live in association with others, and the connections we foster in our daily lives become a significant part of our legacy.
A legacy of experiences…
My dear friend Norma was a dietitian and professional home economist, passionate about her profession and her family. When Norma’s granddaughter Katie spoke at her memorial service, it was clear that cooking with Gran was a significant experience. Katie recalled standing on a stool at the kitchen counter, learning what goes into cakes and cookies, and practising how to measure accurately. Today she bakes in a gourmet doughnut shop and is complimented by her employers for her depth of knowledge. Norma was a kind, generous, and quietly determined person. I imagine Katie learned a lot more than baking techniques in the time she spent with her Gran.
Sometimes these memories stay top-of-mind, but often they fade over time. Most families have photos of good times and seminal experiences. As our children move through middle age, I think it’s constructive to reconnect them with who they were when they were young and hopeful. We can do this by sorting through the family photos and sharing the treasures.
A legacy of material possessions…
For many people, financial inheritance comes to mind when they hear the word legacy. Money is one of the physical things we leave behind, but not the only one. Most of us have a combination of family heirlooms and our own precious objects with stories of how we acquired them.
The stories are an important part of the objects, yet they are lost when we don’t make a conscious effort to pass them along. Without the stories, our belongings become just old things.
A legacy of what you know…
How many of us have said, “I wish I knew how Mom made _____________. I found the recipe when I cleaned out her kitchen, but it doesn’t turn out the same when I make it.” A few years ago, it hit me that my family would put “fudge” in the blank. I learned the principles of sugar crystallization in a food science lab at university, then developed and refined my fudge-making method over the years. I use the recipe from the lab book, which is the same as almost any basic fudge recipe.
The magic is in the unwritten techniques such as washing down undissolved crystals with a pastry brush while the mixture is cooking, transferring the cooked sugar syrup to a clean bowl, cooling until barely lukewarm, and having a strong stirring arm. All of these support the formation of fine crystals. The result is, my family will tell you, the smoothest most-gorgeous fudge you will ever find, says she in all modesty 🙂
Everyone has these recipes. Think about it and I’m sure you’ll come up with at least a few of yours that can’t be duplicated without extra instructions. Maybe it’s something you learned from you mom and it has never been written down. Which reminds me, I must get my mom’s potato salad recipe down on paper with the particular methods that make it like no other. My kids ask me to bring it to family meals, and they will be disappointed if they can’t reproduce the unique texture and flavour when I’m no longer here to do it.
Sharing our treasures…
Here’s my share. Click on the snowman to find out how to make the fudge that’s in the tin. You’ll get a copy of the recipe sheet (maybe more properly called a booklet!) that I prepared a few years ago so my kids can make fudge as I know it. So…what treasures do you have to share? Not just recipes, but anything that came to mind as you read this blog. Delight and inspire us by leaving your shares in the comment box.
**Time for this post? Reading…10 minutes. Viewing…24 minutes. Assimilation…up to you.
Last week I wrote about green burial, and what options are available where I live. Today we’ll take a look at cremation from a similar perspective.
Cremation is inherently more environmentally friendly than burial because it does not require land and doesn’t leave toxic formaldehyde leaching into the soil.
Even so, cremation is not a perfect solution. It is done at temperatures of 1400-1800°F for 45-90 minutes. This consumes large quantities of fuel, releasing greenhouse gasses into the atmosphere. There are toxic emissions from lacquers and glues in the containers that are incinerated with the body. Toxic mercury vapours from amalgam fillings also come out of the smokestack. According to sevenponds.comContinue reading →
**Time for this post? Reading…10 minutes. Listening…2 minutes. Investigating…up to you.
I taught a course in consumer issues for many years. Early on, I recognized that there’s a difference between information and access. In other words, it’s one thing to know about something you’d like to have, it’s another to be able to get it.
This is true with natural burials, as I discovered when I began asking about what’s available where I live. What follows is not a definitive treatise on green burial. It’s a working paper to give some direction to your own thinking and investigating if a natural funeral appeals to you.
I live in Calgary, a Canadian city of 1.2 million people. I gathered information from staff at one of the city-run cemeteries as well as an alternative funeral director. I also did some reading to discover the key aspects of a green burial. Here’s what I learned.
**Time for this post? Reading…3 minutes. Video…12 minutes. Thinking…up to you.
Now that I’ve started thinking about the ins and outs of dying, I find myself in conversations about what I’m learning and considering.
Last week, I had one of those conversations with a long-time friend. We discussed my developing ideas about donating my body to medical education and writing my own obituary. As we were wrapping up, Barb said, “Do you find it depressing, all this planning for dying?” That’s a fair question, especially given our cultural denial of death.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about dying. Not that I’m planning to do it any time soon, but because I realize how little I know about dying…and about what it would take to die well.
You’d think I would be well-versed on the subject by now, considering that my parents, four grandparents, and one sister have all died during my adulthood. But my ignorance is no surprise, considering that dying isn’t talked about in Western culture except perhaps in hushed tones and very private conversations.
Because we don't talk about death, we don't know what to expect—and we certainly don't know how to help somebody who's in the midst of the dying process.
Having been the Class Historian at my high school graduation, I was invited to speak at our 50th reunion. That got me thinking about the 18-year-old me and what she thought life was about. As I recall, I had the impression that I would “do what I was supposed to” and life would proceed on an upward climb until I got “there.” Then it would level off to a smooth and comfortable plateau.
That was the plan. And then life happened.
As life threw me one curveball after another, I learned that it’s full of ups and downs. None expected or planned for. No cushy plateau.
As I learned how to move forward in the face of these experiences, I began to see that they were growth opportunities.
At the moment, I’m in the midst of yet another growth experience. Unlike Frank Sinatra, I haven’t given myself a deadline. But I do need some time to experience and process rather than write. So this blog is on hiatus for a while.
Energy work is a big part of what has allowed me to grow from my experiences. Here are some insights into how this has worked for me…
And…if you’d like to know when I start writing again, enter your email address in the box on the right-hand column of the home page. Click the button and you’ll get a notice in your inbox when the next blog appears.
In the meantime, may all our growth experiences be no more than we can handle.