Thinking about dying…

Lately, I’ve been thinking about dying. Not that I’m planning to do it any time soon, but because I realize how little I know about dying…and about what it would take to die well.

You’d think I would be well-versed on the subject by now, considering that my parents, four grandparents, and one sister have all died during my adulthood. But my ignorance is no surprise, considering that dying isn’t talked about in Western culture except perhaps in hushed tones and very private conversations.

[tweetshare tweet=”Because we don’t talk about death, we don’t know what to expect—and we certainly don’t know how to help somebody who’s in the midst of the dying process.” username=”LauranaRayne”]

Yet 100% of us are going to die.

When I stopped writing last winter, it was because a deathly-ill family member was staying with me. This brought me face to face with many of the issues in end-of-life care, for both the dying person and the caregiver—things I hadn’t had to think about before.

Remarkably, he recovered and moved back to his own home in the spring. That left me with the mental space to think. And so, given that experience, I’ve been thinking about dying.

As you might have guessed, I’m expanding the scope of this blog to include conscious dying in addition to conscious living. For several months, I’ve been reading, listening to videos and podcasts, and thinking about what would be useful consumer information to help me navigate through the last stage of life as I transition into whatever is next.

Death is terrifying when it’s an unknown.

Because it isn’t talked about, death is mysterious. And mystery usually engenders fear. The antidote is education. What if we approached the mystery by being curious and asking questions?

Educating ourselves makes the whole topic less mysterious and more friendly. Today I’m bringing you a video and an article that I think are good places to start this education. Rochelle Martin is a Registered Nurse specializing in psychiatric and mental health nursing. She also holds a Master of Divinity degree and works in emergency and acute psychiatry, palliative care, and spiritual care.

Certified as a Death Midwife and Home Funeral-Care Guide, Rochelle teaches individuals, families, professionals, and community groups about death-related care. In her work as a crisis-care RN, she supports families immediately following the sudden death of a loved one in the emergency room. Who better to talk with us about death?

This conversation is important because we are culturally alienated from death, and have forgotten what to do in the face of it. She challenges us to embrace death, and points out how we could do better than we are right now.

Her action steps…

  1. Think about death—it puts things into perspective.
  2. Talk about death—and write down what we want and don’t want.
  3. Teach each other about how to die—and how to care for our dead. It could be the hardest best thing we ever do.
  4. Choose in death what we value in life—and consider newer funeral practices that are sustainable and environmentally conscious.

Environmentally friendly practices…

Her last point piqued my interest about possibilities, and I started looking into whether a green burial would be available where I live. I’ll say more about that another time.

In talking about the impact of current practices, she mentions the issue of mercury emissions from the crematorium. Any idea why this occurs?

I was curious. Here’s what I found out. The mercury comes from amalgam fillings as they are vaporized by the high heat used for cremation. One solution is to ask the operator to remove any amalgam fillings from the body before cremation.

Another solution is to opt for an alternative method that doesn’t involve heat. Apparently it’s used more for pets than humans at the moment. I’ll let you know more about that in another post. In the meantime, here’s an excellent article to introduce you to the main options for body disposal: Green Funerals: The Ultimate in Recycling.

As always, I’m interested in how this lands for you. I’d love to hear your thoughts below.

6 thoughts on “Thinking about dying…

  1. A master of this subject – a self described dealer in the ‘death trade’ for over 20 years is Canada’s own Stephen Jenkinson. He has written a number of books – the last one called COME OF AGE and an earlier one entitled DIE WISE.
    He has a website called and he is currently on tour through North America doing a presentation called Nights of Grief and Mystery with a musician named Greg Hoskins.
    We recently attended this in Calgary – me and 5 family and friends who were not really looking forward to an uninterrrupted 2.5 hours where entry was not allowed after the doors closed, with no intermission . About all I can say is that no one moved for the fastest 2.5 hours in my life and none was ‘unmoved’ by the content. My husband who has a reputation for being able to sleep through ANYTHING shortly after it begins and wakes up as the clapping starts, was awake for the entire thing! He even said, ‘that was really good’!
    I’d certainly encourage you to look at him as a resource. He also has an NFB film about him and his work called Griefwalker which you can find on YouTube.
    He also teaches on occasion at Hollyhock Retreat Center on Cortes Island and teaches at his farm in Ontario.

  2. Thanks for this Laurana. Excellent video!
    It is something I have begun to think about too. Guess it is something to do about our age and that of friends. I will be happy to hear what you find out about green funerals.
    Glad ;you are back to writing.

  3. How very enlightening. I had no idea about Green Burial, about any of this really. I guess because, as yourself and Rochelle have pointed out, we don’t talk about it. A friend of mine has often said he just wants his body to be left out in the elements to be returned to the earth and fed on by the birds, etc. I just laughed and said I’m pretty sure that would be improbable due to legalities. And now I am wondering more about it. In particular, if it is occurring on one’s own land, why shouldn’t that be a possibility?
    I am curious to hear what else you have discovered on your search.
    Thank you Laurana for this very enlightening and timely post and inciting a most important discussion.

    • That’s a good question, Susan. Burial on one’s own land would be under the jurisdiction of the municipality in which you live. I have not investigated that, but imagine it varies according to the locale. If your friend checks into it, I’d be interested in hearing what he finds out. Thanks for the intriguing thought!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.